Tuesday, February 24, 2009
"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE...
I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO...
I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
A blind carpenter walks into a lumber mill and shouts out, "I am a blind carpenter and I need a job."
The foreman walks over to the blind carpenter and says, "If you're blind, how can you work in a lumber yard?"
The blind carpenter says, "I can tell any piece of lumber by it's smell."
The foreman says "O.K. I'll give you a test and if you pass the test, you've got a job."
The foreman takes the carpenter over to a table and says, "I will put some lumber on a table in front of you and you tell me what it is."
The foreman then puts a piece of lumber on the table and says, "Ready!"
The carpenter bends over and takes a deep sniff moving his head from one side to the other. He says "That's a number two pine, two by four, eight foot long."
The foreman says, "Duh! That's right, but pine is easy to tell by the smell and I think you guessed the rest. Here's another piece of lumber for you to identify."
The foreman puts a piece of lumber on the table and says, "Ready!"
The blind carpenter bends over and takes a deep sniff moving his head from one side to the other and says, "This is a tough one, please turn it over so I can smell the other side."
The foreman does this and says "Ready!"
The carpenter takes another deep sniff moving his head from side to side. He then says, "That's a clear heart red wood, four by four, six foot long."
The foreman is amazed and says "That's right, but I still think you're just lucky and still guessing. Let me try one more time and if you get it right you got a job."
The foreman then goes into the office and asks his secretary to help him stump the blind carpenter by taking off all of her clothes and laying down on the table. She takes off her clothes walks out of the office and lays face down on the table. The foreman says, "Ready!"
The blind carpenter takes a deep sniff moving his head from side to side. He looks puzzled and takes another sniff and says, "This also is a tough one, please turn it over so I can smell the other side."
The foreman gestures with his hand to the secretary, she rolls over, and the foreman says, "Ready!"
The blind carpenter moves his head from side to side again looking puzzled. He sniffs one more time, looks surprised, and says, "I got it. That's a shit house door off a tuna boat."
He got the job.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Why student fails in exam???????
Its not the fault of the student if he/she fails, Because the year has an ONLY 365 days. Typical academic year for a student.
1. Sundays- 52,Sundays in a year, which are rest days. Balance 313 days.
2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study. Balance 263 days.
3. 8 hours daily sleep-means 122 days. Balance 141 days.
4. 1 hour for daily playing-(good for health) means 15 days. Balance 126 days.
5. Two hours daily for food & other delicacies (chew properly & eat)-means 30 days. Balance 96 days.
6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days . Balance 81 days.
7. Exam days per year at least 35 days. Balance 46 days.
8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival holidays)-40 days. Balance 6 days.
9. For sickness at least 3 days. Balance 3 days.
10. Movies and functions at least 2 days. Balance 1 day.
11. That 1 day is your birthday.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher, and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
What can I do about all the sex, nudity, language and violence on my VCR?
I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.
I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive, and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again. Should I believe him?
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own religion?
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now, how do I get out?
My 40-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. Is he crazy?
Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't, but he finally did it.
My mother is mean and short-tempered. Do you think she is going through her mental pause?
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex years ago and he IS a doctor. What do I do?
As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.
The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and he was near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.
When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed back his tears and said, "I was being the ring bear."
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,"Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
With her mother standing just a few feet away, the little girl replied, "I thought I was, but Mommy says I'm not."
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Book Description Originally prepared as a part of Bentham's collected works, this volume now makes one of the central texts in the development of utilitarian tradition available in its own authoritative 1977 edition.
Bentham, Jeremy. A fragment on Government. Edited with an Introduction by F.C. Montague. Oxford: The Clarendon Press, 1891. xii, 241 pp. Reprinted 2001 by The Lawbook Exchange, Ltd.. ISBN 1-58477-166-6. Cloth. $ 65. Bentham's first published work, an essay on sovereignty that criticizes Blackstone's Commentaries attacks and contemporary views on politics and law. This edition includes F.C. Montague's scholarly introduction that shows the significance of the fragment and includes a biography of Bentham [1748-1832] and a discussion of his role in the history of Jurisprudence. "The fragment on Government is primarily a criticism. If it were nothing more, it would have no interest for later generations, which do not regard Blackstone as an authority upon speculative questions of politics or history, and therefore do not need to have Blackstone's theories corrected or disproved. But in criticizing Blackstone's views, Bentham necessarily expounds his own. As Bentham is one of the few English writers of the mark upon the theory of political institutions, and as his Doctrine forms a link in the chain of English political philosophy, we still read the fragment of Government in order to see, not how far Blackstone was wrong, but how far Bentham was right. " Introduction 59.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
NAME: Greg Bulmash
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
I know Daddy's password!
While my brother-in-law was tapping away on his home computer, his ten-year-old daughter sneaked up behind him. Then she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family, "I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!"
"What is it? her sisters asked eagerly.
Proudly she replied, "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!"
Back during the days of the Soviet Union, it took 10 years to get a car after you paid for one.
Once, a young guy went to the car dealership to order a car. He paid the money, and the asked when can he come and get the car.
"It will be here, waiting for you, exactly 10 years from today".
The man signed the papers, started waliking away and then stooped, turned and asked the salesman: "Wait, will it be ready at the morning or at the afternnon".
"What difference does it make?", asked the salesman.
"Well", answered the man, "the plumber is coming in the morning".
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Bentham is Born.
David Hume writes Human Understanding.
Henry Fielding is writing Tom Jones.
Dr. Johnson is busy writing his dictionary.
The start of the Seven Years War.
Edmund Burke published A Vindication of Natural Society.
The British Conquest of America.
Twelve year old Bentham enters Oxford University.
End of The Seven Years War and the signing of The Treaty of Paris.
Lord Shelburne (1737-1805), an alumnus of Oxford, an army officer, a parliamentarian, and, who, was to become a powerful supporter of Bentham, is appointed the president of the Board of Trade (a very important position in those days ).
The Stamp Act is passed by the British Parliament.
At around this time, Sir William Blackstone (1723-1780) brings out his Commentaries on the Law of England.
The members of the "Long Parliament" take their seats, it sat for 15 years, until 1785.
Having studied at Lincoln's Inn since 1763, Bentham is called to the bar.
Edmund Burke brings out On Conciliation with the American Colonies.
July 2nd, 1776, the Continental Congress carries a motion for the independence of the 13 states on the East coast of America. Two days later the Declaration of Independence is adopted.
Edward Gibbon gives forth with his first volume of The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire.
David Hume dies.
Adam Smith's The Wealth of Nations is published.
Bentham's work, A fragment on Government comes out.
British troops under Cornwallis surrender at Yorktown.
December 13th, penal laws against Roman Catholics repealed.
British evacuate New York.
The Big Bang of the Industrial Revolution occurs in England, when, for the first time, steam engines are used to power spinning machinery.
Bentham, in his travels around the continent, visits Russia, (1785-88).
Bentham brings out his Introduction to the Principles of Legislation and morals.
writes Burke Reflections on the French Revolution.
Paine's reply, The Rights of Man.
September massacres in Paris.
In January Louis XVI is beheaded.
Godwin's Political Justice appears.
The trials of the "Reform-martyrs," Muir and Palmer who were subsequently transported to Botany Bay, this was part of the larger government effort to prosecute editors, nonconformists and radicals who were arguing for Parliamentary Reform.
A simple device for separating cotton from seeds Lint is patented by Eli Whitney.
Edward Jenner discovers the prophylactic power of vaccination.
In January, with Bonaparte having successfully invaded Italy and Spain coming in on the side of France, Britain withdrew her ships from the Mediterranean, which was to become a "French Lake" from January 1797 to May 1798.
Malthus brings out his Essay on the Principle of Population. "
Coleridge and Wordsworth bring out Lyrical Ballads.
Nelson re-enters the Mediterranean in May, 1798, and destroys Napoleon's fleet.
The Treaty of Amiens is signed and the war between France and England is ended leaving France supreme in Western Europe and England supreme on the Ocean of the world.
Malthus brings out the second edition of his Essay on the Principle of Population. "
War between Britain and Bonaparte-dominated Spain breaks out on December 12th, 1804.
Napoleon becomes emperor of France.
In 1805, Trevithick adapts the Watt engine to a vehicle, and the locomotive comes into being. By the middle of the century a network of Railways had spread all over Europe.
Nelson's victory at Trafalgar.
In 1806 England abolishes the slave-trade (in 1833 slavery itself).
Fulton's first steam boat.
In support of a Spanish rising, in July, Arthur Wellesley (later to become known as the Duke of Wellington) leads the first small British force of 9000 men into the Peninsula of Spain; a gate into the hostile fortress of Napoleonic Europe.
Bentham meets James Mill.
Austen's Sense and Sensibility.
The English Parliament passes an anti-slave trade bill and the 1811 felony Act becomes law, and it killed the slave trade dead.
On 18 June, 1812, President Madison and the American Congress declares war on Britain.
It was during the winter that the news came of Napoleon's retreat from Moscow and his struggle to retain hold of central Europe.
In England, 13 "Luddites" are hung at the York Assizes.
June 18th, 1815, the Battle of Waterloo.
Ricardo's, Principles of Political Economy & Taxation.
Habeas Corpus is suspended as the war against the radical Press in England heats up.
"Peterloo:" On August 16th, 1819, "an orderly and unarmed crowed of about 60,000 men, women and children" assemble in support of universal suffrage, in St. Peter's Fields, Manchester. They were there to hear the speaker, radical Hunt. The Magistrates, in a move to arrest the speaker, the cavalry in order: "eleven persons, including two women, were killed or died of their injuries; over a hundred were wounded by Sabers and several hundred more injured by horse-hoofs or crushed in the Stampede. "(GM Trevelyan's British History in the Nineteenth Century, p. 189.)
Keats, Hyperion; Shelley, Promethus Unbound.
A Factory Bill prohibiting children under the age of nine to work in cotton mills is passed in 1819, this is the first of a series of parliamentary bills which were to be passed over the next forty years in a process of law Reform which was first prompted by the Writings of Jeremy Bentham.
Michael Faraday (1791-1867) discovers electromagnetic induction.
Lord Byron dies.
The first railway opens in the northern part of England, between Stockton and Darlinton; Stephenson's "Rocket," with a thirteen ton train, gets up a speed of 44 miles per hour.
On 27th March, 1827, Darwin gives a short talk to the Plinian Society, and communicates two Discoveries which he has made: First, "that the ova of the Flustra posses organs of motion, and the second, that the small black globular body hitherto mistaken for the young Fucus Lorius [a seaweed], is in reality the ovum of the pontobdella muricata [a Leech that infests skates]. At the request of the society he promised to draw up an account of the facts and to lay it, together with specimens, before the Society next evening. "
Wm. Cobbett and Richard Carlile put on trial for articles in the Press; Cobbett, at least, was acquitted.
Darwin sails on the Beagle.
The Great Reform Bill.
"... A very powerful influence in the political and legal sphere, but that as a thinker he was not very original, not even very profound, a trifle confused on ultimate philosophical issues and prone to over simplify complex problems and pedantic ... systematizer opinionated, radical overrated by his contemporaries ... "
Sydney Smith12, a contemporary, and who might be counted as one of Bentham's supporters, saw the Difficulty with Bentham's methodology:
"Mr. Bentham is long; Mr. Bentham is occasionally involved and obscure; Mr. Bentham invents new and alarming expressions; Mr. Bentham loves division and subdivision - and he loves method itself, more than its consequences."
I might add that if any of the 'Benthamites' had any knowledge of the theory of evolution (Darwin was later to came along in the 19th century) they might have admitted that tradition had a role.
We have already referred to Hazlitt and Hazlitt's views on Bentham as a writer, what did Hazlitt think of Bentham's view of legislation and its place in the guidance of men's activity:
"The gentleman is himself a logician capital; and he has been led by this circumstance to consider man as a logical animal. We fear this view of the matter will hardly hold water. If we attend to the moral man, the constitution of his mind will scarcely be found to be built up of pure reason and a regard to consequences: if we consider the criminal man (with whom the legislators has chiefly to do), it will be found to be still less so. "
Hazlitt points out that legislators and Criminals are quite a different species, and continues:
"Mr Bentham, in adjusting the provisions of a penal code, lays too little stress on the co-operation of the natural prejudices of mankind ... The laws of the country are therefore ineffectual and abortive, because they are made by the rich for the poor, by the wise for the ignorant, by the respectable and exalted in station for the very scum and refuse of the community. "
People value the good opinion of others and of their place in their family and in their society. It is for shame, not fear, that people obey laws. Hazlitt continues:
"You tell a person [a drunk, an idler, a gambler, a culprit, or a criminal] of this stamp what is his interest, he says he does not care about his interest, or the world and he differ on that particular. But there is one point on which he must agree with them, namely, what they think of his conduct, and that is the only hold you have of him. A man may be callous and indifferent to what happens to himself, but he is never indifferent to public opinion or proof against open scorn and infamy.
Shame, then, not fear, is the sheet-anchor of the law ... It is the apprehension of being stigmatized by public opinion, the fear of what will be thought and said of them, that deters men from the violation of the laws, while their character remains unimpeached; but honor once lost, all is lost. The man can never be himself again! A citizen is like a soldier, a part of a machine, who submits to certain hardships, privations, and dangers, not for his own ease, pleasure, profit, or even conscience, but - for shame. "
There have been many, through the years, that envisaged a perfect and well ordered society; Bentham was one, and he felt it might be achieved through legislation. Jeremy Bentham like many had an optimistic view that the nature of man might be changed. As Hazlitt observed, "Miracles never cease, to be sure, but they are not to be had wholesale, or to order."
Bentham is to be compared to William Godwin: they resembled one another in their "blind contempt for the past." While each preached the need for nonviolent revolution, each had a different following. Bentham's revolution was to be effected by legislation, by godwin's arguments.
Jeremy Bentham was critical of the approach taken by Blackstone in his Commentaries (1765-9). Commentaries was written by Blackstone (university teacher, lawyer, and, in time, a judge); he meant it to be a clear and concise statement of the common law, and ordered elucidated, to be used by the busy practitioner. Bentham thought it deficient, as it did not consider the social impact of the law (however, I should say here, that it was not Blackstone's purpose to make any statement about the consequences of the law, one way or the other; Blackstone was not a law reformer.)
It was in his book, Introduction to the Principles of morals and Legislation (1789), Bentham strove "to cut a new road through the wilds of Jurisprudence." In it he was to develop the idea that the greatest happiness of the greatest number should govern our judgment of every institution and action. This simplified view, viz., We proceed with legislative action which will bring the greatest happiness to the greatest number, was, apparently, to be the only extent of Bentham's thought. Jeremy Bentham was not, according to William Hazlitt, an original thinker, he was, a compiler.
"But Mr. Bentham's forte is the Arrangement, and the form of truth, though not its essence, varies with time and circumstance. He has methodized, collated, and condensed all the materials prepared to his hand on the subject of which he treats, in a masterly and scientific manner; but we should find a Difficulty in adducing from his different works (however elaborate or closely reasoned) any new element of thought, or even a few fact or Illustration. His writing is, therefore, chiefly valuable as books of reference, as bringing down the account of intellectual inquiry to the present period, and disposing the results in a compendious, connected, and tangible shape; but books of reference are chiefly serviceable for facilitating the acquisition of knowledge, and are constantly liable to be superseded and to grow out of fashion with its progress, as the scaffolding is thrown down as soon as the building is completed.
"There is a technicality of manner, which renders his Writings of more value to the professional Inquirer than to the general reader. Again, his style is unpopular, not to say unintelligible. He writes a language of his own that darkens knowledge. His works have been translated into French - they ought to be translated into English. People wonder that Mr. Bentham has not been prosecuted for the boldness and severity of some of his invectives. He might wrap up high treason in one of his inextricable periods, and it would never find its way into Westminster Hall. He is a kind of Manuscript author - he writes a Cypher-hand, which the vulgar have no key to. The construction of his sentences is a curious frame-work with hooks and pegs to hang his thoughts upon, for his own use and guidance, but almost out of the reach of everybody else. It is a barbarous philosophical jargon, with all the repetitions, parentheses, formalities, uncouth nomenclature and verbiage of law-Latin; and what makes it worse , it is not mere verbiage, but has a great deal of acuteness and meaning in it, which you would be glad to pick out if you could.
The story is that Jeremy Bentham was obliged to seek a date to meet with the Master in Chancery. Presumably Bentham got what he was looking for, or not (likely not); but, and the point is, that Bentham came away from one of his first court appearances with the view that it took three times the trouble and three times the money that it should: the law in Bentham's view was in dire need of revision and he set out, in his life's work, to reform it.
During 1776, Bentham brought out his first major work, A Fragment on Government. It was about this time, too, that Bentham was to become a friend with a powerful lord, Lord Shelburne (1737-1805). Apparently, through the auspices of Lord Shelburne, Bentham was able to take time, to travel and to write.
A number of years were to pass before Jeremy Bentham came to the attention of the juridic thinkers of the time (it was to be 1808 before Bentham was to meet James Mill). Bentham was thought to be more European in his views than English, but in time "a knot of able thinkers gathered round him." These included James Mill (the father of John Stuart Mill) and David Ricardo. The 'Benthamites' were to gradually gain ascendancy in political matters. Bentham, himself, in time, was to go on and be the founder of University College, at London.
"He [Bentham] has lived for the last forty years in a house in Westminster, overlooking the Park, like an anchoret in his cell, reducing law to a system, and the mind of a machine. ... His eye is quick and lively; but it glances not from object to object, but from thought to thought. He is evidently a man occupied with some train of fine and inward association. He regards the people about him no more than the flies of summer. He meditates the coming age. He hears and sees only what suits his purpose, or some 'foregone conclusion'; and looks out for facts and passing occurrences in order to put them into his logical machinery and grind them into the dust and powder of some subtle theory, as the miller looks out for grist to his mill!" (William Hazlitt.)
Hazlitt was to describe Jeremy Bentham as a person who had "an unconscious neglect of his own person," "good-humoured, placid intelligence," one who "is a beneficent spirit, prying into the universe, ... a thoughtful spectator of the scenes of life, or ruminator on the fate of mankind ..."
"Mr. Bentham relieves his mind sometimes, after the fatigue of study, by playing on a fine old organ, and has a relish for Hogarth's prints. He turns wooden utensils in a lathe for exercise, and fancies he can turn men in the same manner."